Am I The Narcissist? A Have A Look At Inverted Narcissism

Am I The Narcissist? A Have A Look At Inverted Narcissism

In my work with victims of narcissistic abuse I am more typically than not asked the identical question: "How do I do know I'm not the Narcissist?"

When I requested my very own therapist this question so many years ago she answered "In the event you had been the narcissist you would not be asking that question, because narcissist's won't see that the issue is with them." They are too busy projecting the problems onto those around them.

Nonetheless our personal narcissism is an issue price exploring in more detail. For instance: Why will we ask that question to begin with. What's it that makes us feel we're the narcissist?

In speaking to a consumer in the present day I had an enormous realization. She was telling me how she was at all times upset in her earlier boyfriends or partners. They just did not measure up to her expectations. As we dug slightly deeper she explained how she has wavered between feelings of superiority and emotions of inferiority. She has built her own phantasm or thought of who she was which in her own reality positioned herself upon a pedestal. So in a sense she was doing the same thing a narcissistic personality would do. She sheltered herself from her feelings of inferiority by placing herself upon a pedestal. That pedestal created a false confidence.

So when the narcissistic personality comes into her life her false confidence is initially mirrored by the narcissist who displays to her the image worthy of the pedestal she has placed herself upon. But as the relationship progresses her feelings of inferiority are triggered as he projects his personal inferiority upon her. Now she is experiencing the feeling of getting her mate disappointed in her inadequacy just as she has been upset in past partners for their inadequacy.

What's the difference than between the narcissistic partner and the one who feels abused? Compassion and Empathy! The shopper I used to be talking to at present, recognized along with her companions feelings of superiority and in addition with his feelings of inadequacy. She had empathy for him. She didn't wish to see him damage because she knows how painful it's to expertise those same kinds of feelings. A pathological narcissist might give a rip about his companions damage feelings. He is only concerned with himself and his own needs.

The inverted narcissist, as Sam Vaknin calls it, is the proper match for the pathological narcissist. Because when their false selves meet, the phantasm of who they imagine themselves to be is strengthened to some extent where it could really feel like Cinderella assembly her prince who takes her out of her hell gap, the place she is made to wear rags and sweep ashes all day. Instantly she is swept off her feet, she fits the glass slipper completely, and is carried off to the Castle adorned with lovely gowns and riches match for the queen she is.

Maybe in this fairy story, Cinderella all the time fantasized herself to be a queen, but she lived the reality of being an ash maiden. She was ridiculed and condemned by those around her and made to feel unworthy of the good things in life. However she would show them someday. She would show them she was really a queen.

For these of us who come from painful childhoods the place we were one way or the other made to really feel inferior, we will easily create fantasy worlds the place we escape into by no means never land. We imagine ourselves as fairy princesses and that imagine our prince using up on a white horse and sweeping us off our feet, carrying us from our humble reality to an amazing castle the place we're treated as a queen should be treated.

Within the psychic realm the psychosis signs of a narcissist the pathological narcissist is a great match for the fantasy world of the inverted narcissist. Because on the earth of make believe an important fantasy is created where the King and the Queen of never by no means land get together and ride off into the sunset. It's such a phenomenal love story, in the beginning.

However all glass slippers eventually break and so do the glass houses the "ultimate" couple reside in. There love just isn't constructed on anything real, but quite an illusion of perfection created by each parties. She is saying "be my prince" and he's saying "be my queen." However as soon as they settle into the Castle the true selves begin to emerge. The sentiments of inferiority start to surface. Both companions don't really need to be discovered, less they risk shedding their status upon that pedestal. "What if she finds out I am really a frog?" He would possibly think. And she or he might surprise "what if he knows the truth of me, that I am solely an ash sweeper?"